The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
