don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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