shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
