I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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