dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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