If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
