i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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