Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
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