Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
