Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
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