You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
