And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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