I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
