My liver just broke up with me...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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