I am in a vortex of obligation.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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