Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
