Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Someone came in the potted fern
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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