Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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