I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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