Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Of course I have a pirate flag
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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