You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
