Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
