Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
