wakey wakey hands off snakey
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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