watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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