u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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