Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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