I accidentally burped into my bong.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
