Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
