he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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