those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
