these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
