Betty ford says i'm here all night
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Randomize
