My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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