This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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