what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
