sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize