I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
