Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
