Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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