I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Randomize
