things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
