I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
