Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
His nipple licking is glorious
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