I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize