kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
