apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
