It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
