There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
