Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
