she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
