dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize