I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
