no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So many bounce houses so little time
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize