The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
