As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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