Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I puked a lego.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
