i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
oh god the rape fog is back!
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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