Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize