Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
