If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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