And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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