I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
All I want is dick and wine.
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