I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize