I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
