i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
