Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
