Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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