I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
