evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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